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Archive for September, 2010

My wife ROCKS!!!

I have GOT to be the luckiest man alive. I have the absolute best wife ever. I have to admit, there are times where things seem so crazy and I just want to get away by myself for a day, but being in a relationship… ANY relationship means you work things out. However, my wife is amazingly awesome and I am still completely confounded on how I managed to marry someone as awesome as she.

As a guy, we want to believe that we are the center of the family and what we say goes, blah blah blah. It’s all hogwash. It’s the women of the world who do the REAL work. They slave away with the cooking and the cleaning, they deal with our bullshit, they are truly the ones who keep a family together. But my wife astounds me at every corner. She does all this and MORE for our tiny family and she never complains about it. In fact, she wants to do MORE and I tell her to chill out and let me do some of the things for her so she can have time to herself. Personally, I think it’s directly coded into women’s DNA to not be happy unless their plate is over filled. But that’s just a theory at this point.

My wife has not been in her best mood lately. She has been ok, but not the happy woman I was lucky to learn more about while we were dating. But the last week or so, she has been amazing. She has this light that beams from her when she is happy that is completely impossible not to become infected with. Her smile can truly light up a room… or a small city depending on how big the city is! LOL. She is very atypical. She loves oldies music and old television shows (we can prove this by the large amounts of ALL IN THE FAMILY that is currently residing on our DVR) but she is only 30 years old… yet she looks 20.

As a single man trying to find a perfect match, some people say guys look for someone who reminds them of their mother. This is NOT the case for me. I loved my mother and miss her TONS but I wanted someone who could just get me. Who would know what I was thinking or trying to say without me finishing what I am trying to say and I definitely found that woman. She puts up with my crazy ER schedule of 3p-11p 5 days a week with only every other weekend off, while she works 8:30a-5p Monday – Friday. I do what I can to be there such as come home for dinner and always spend my time with her on my weekends off, and she still is ok with everything.

We are coming up to our 1st wedding anniversary and there were some rough patches this year that made me wonder how we will get through things, but I have to say. These few weeks, I don’t think I could be happier with the wonderful woman I married and could never in a million years think of being with anyone but her.

I am the luckiest man in the world, because I have the world’s best wife!

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I have trouble sleeping. I ALWAYS have trouble sleeping. I work in an Emergency Room and some of the things I see all up close and personal… well let’s just say these are the things I don’t tell my wife about. I summarize for her and even that she sometimes doesn’t want to hear. So I work from 3p-11p and I arrive home all wired and awake. I go in and give her a hug and say hello and she rarely remembers me coming in! LOL. Then I jump on the computer and watch a movie or YouTube videos.

Tonight was slightly different as she was awake when I arrived home so I gave her a hug and she went to bed. I went in and finished watching Friday Night Lights and then I glanced down to see what time it was. It was only 12:37am but the way I have my computer setup, I can also see the date – September 11, 2010! It made me quiet for a second.

If you are not from New York, it may not mean as much to you as those of us who ARE from New York. I hear people say “9-11! It was soooo long ago! Get over it!” And a part of me agrees with them and a part of me wants to pelt them in the head with rotten prunes! This date was the day things in the United States changed for us as Americans.

I remember exactly where I was. I was driving to work on Anderson Hill Road in Westchester county NY and I was listening on the radio as people were saying that there was a fire in the first tower which was hit. They were saying how it was just an accident and that a plane crashed into the building. I was in awe! It was less than 2 months prior I was walking through towers 1 and 2 to a project job I was working in the World Financial Center.

There was some traffic and I was a little tired of listening to it so I turned off the radio and drove to work in silence thinking how crazy that a plane crashed into the tower. At work my boss told me that a plane crashed into the tower. I told him I knew but he said no, ANOTHER plane crashed into the OTHER tower! I was shocked so we went to the front desk (I was working at a resort/conference center/golf course at the time) and watched the news on the TV. They kept replaying that video someone took of the plane crashing into the 2nd tower, over and over again. I was really shocked as it all unraveled in front of me.

I went back to my office and tried to stay busy but it was pretty hard to do that. But I muddled through the day.

A couple of days later a group that was based on the road where the towers once stood and were setting up offices in one of our conference rooms so I setup the printers and computer systems for them to work. The resort is right in line with Westchester County Airport so sometimes the planes can get a little loud… and they are frequent! I remember setting things up and every time a plane flew over they would all duck down to the floor… for the first few weeks anyway. I felt bad for them being that close to all that chaos and seeing so much.

I used to go running at lunchtime and I ran with an MP3 player but I usually listened to the radio setting. I remember running 2 miles and listening to nothing but the news about the crashes at the towers, the one crash in Pennsylvania and the helicopter at the pentagon. I remember becoming so overwhelmed that I had to turn off the radio and cried a little. Luckily the fact that I was sweating from running a couple of miles hid it. I stopped listening to the radio while running after that. Now I only listen to MP3’s loaded into my ipod when I run.

A few years later a bridge in Minnesota collapsed and people were comparing that to 9/11 and it made me so pissed. I was thinking that it was definitely a horrible thing that the bridge collapsed, but that was an accident. It was due to poor maintenance to the bridge over its lifetime that caused it to fall. It wasn’t due to the plan of crazy madmen who hijacked 3 planes and a helicopter and crashed them killing all the passengers in the planes as well as all those people who were at work that day. The bridge collapse didn’t change the way we handle business now or how some people turned it all into hate and now feel anyone who is Indian is an enemy.

Over the last week I have seen 5 people come into the ER who were attacked for no reason. It also happens they were also Indian and it is so close to 9/11. I wish the people in charge actually did their job and listened to the tips that were provided regarding the planes. But they didn’t. I wish it wasn’t necessary for us as Americans to need to be at an airport 3 hours in advance because of all the precautions they have initiated… but it is.

I do not ever want us to forget that day, but I do hope we do learn to move on from it and learn from it because right now I feel most are more paranoid and afraid because of it.

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I am not one for controversy. I dislike fighting, arguments, name calling and all of it. I especially hate the feelings of awkwardness that surrounds us when there is a problematic situation and you want to discuss an issue… but you KNOW the other person is going to become angry about it. Sometimes that is not the case, but more often than not that is the case.

Usually when there is some wrongdoing with family, friends or even strangers, mean things are said that are hard to be taken back. I know because I know because I witnessed it MANY times growing up. My parents used to fight ALL the time. Sometimes it was masked over something small and insignificant, but we knew what the real issue was all about because we heard the real thing the night before. Growing up in a small house with an Irish mother… let’s just say it is impossible to NOT know when an argument is happening because it can be heard in other towns!

Whenever there was a fight, there was that awkwardness the next day that always lingered. And, although we had nothing to do with it and wanted no part of it, we were still stuck in the middle of it all. Back then, people kept everything to themselves, especially when couples fought. It was not discussed, and it was just accepted as the way things were and you were expected to just adjust to it. But to this day I do not like arguing or fighting. I hate it IMMENSELY. If the other person is someone I am close with, then it is not a big deal because you know its just a thing of the moment.

There are usually a handful of people in everyone’s life that you can be like this with. I learned this was true from my best friend, Mark. We have been friends through thick and thin and we are the only 2 people who can do or say anything to each other and not be offended because we know it is being said or done for the right reasons. We became friends at about 5 or 6 years old. When we were about 7 or 8 we would have big arguments. The kind that would leave our friends wondering “do we stay friends with Jim or with Mark?” and then they would be confused even more because then we would be like:

Mark: “I hate you, you dumb loser!”

Jim: “I hate you more and hope you fall in an open manhole!”

Mark: “FINE!”

Jim:”FINE!! What time should I come over for our sleepover!”

Mark: “6! You ass!”

Jim: “Ok… see you LATER! Jerk!”

And everyone would be like, “you just had a fight with but you are STILL sleeping over?” This made me confused?!?! Just because we had a fight over something, small or big, worthwhile or retarded, he was my friend and nothing is too big to stop being friends with Mark over. He taught me that was true friendship and I would like to think the feeling was mutual. In fact, I know it was as he was the best man at my wedding last year.

My sister is another, as was my father and mother and, up until 6 years ago, my cousin Tom. My mom would hold grudges against people for YEARS sometimes. I picked up that crummy trait at one point, but lost it (thank goodness) when I was somewhere in my early 20’s. It is WAY too much work to hold a grudge and a real friend you never want to be mad like that at. It takes WAY too much work and these people are the ones you will do anything for so there isn’t a point in it anyway. When they call at 3am and need a ride or need to talk… you are there.

Now I am almost 40, but I still feel a little sick in my stomach when someone I am friends with and care about causes an issue where I get upset with them. I think it may also be more that this usually happens with people I haven’t know a long time but know their friendship is one I want to keep for a VERY long time. I dislike lies and deception. At what point do you know when you can forgo the formalities and say anything to them and know it will not diminish the friendship?

It is a very winding road with a very steep dropoff on one side and a gradual incline on the other. I should just be the kind of person who just says it and realizes their reaction is what will determine if they are a “for now” friend or a forever friend. But new friendships are tricky because, until you have been through a big thing together and know they passed the test, its very difficult to see that.

That is why I am having trouble sleeping and I am blogging at 2:45am when I have an 8am class. I do not feel I am wrong, but I also am having difficulty on how to approach the issue because I do not want to lose any of my friends. I have so few of them, but at the same time, I feel real friends do not put you in these situations either.

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