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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

This week I chose option 2 – when you couldn’t think things could go wrong… they did. The reason for this is because, well, I am pretty tired of hearing about Whitney Houston, I could only come up woth 1 thing that I NEVER want to do, and the last two I think I will save for posts for later this week… maybe.

Usually when I post, I use the first thing which jumps into my mind about the topic and the first thing that jumps into my mind was October 29th, 2004. I remember this day because its when EVERYTHING fell apart all at once, but lets start at the beginning of the day.

I started out the day as normal. I went to work, and just kept busy. At the time my mother was sick so I was immersing myself in work. I had talked to my boss earlier about taking some vacation time and he told me he just needed to check what was going on that week because he had this tendency of putting his vacation in like 8 months ahead of time. So around lunchtime he called me into his office and he and our other boss were there and apparently they were doing cutbacks and eliminated my position. So I was laid off. The good thing is they told me I didn’t have to work through the end of the day… oh whoopee! I had bills to pay!

So after being mopey and heading home, that is when I broke down. I was sort of having a mental break down because I was not unemployed, had a HUGE amount of debt to pay which I worried about how I was going to pay off every day and I felt guilty because my mother was going through chemo at home and I wasn’t there to help.

I remember pacing back and forth in my apartment and my phone rang. It was my sister. Now my sister and I have a great relationship and I started to tell her what was going on with me and then she broke down. Apparently my mother was in the hospital again and the nurses told her and my father to call me and get me down to Long Island. I remember hearing my sister break down and cry and through her tears all she could say is that she wanted her mother back. It broke my heart that I could not console my sister and I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself after being laid off. So I told her I would be home in a couple of hours.

I immediately called my cousin whom I have been super close with since we were little and told him what happened. He was supposed to meet me on Long Island the next afternoon just as I had done when his father passed away and I was there for him. Well I arrived on Long Island a few hours later and went to the hospital the next day and for the rest of the week after that.

My cousin never showed until close to the last second and then he left the next morning. I have never heard from him since.

My mother died 5 days later.

It was definitely the most difficult time in my life but we all dealt with it and have been able to move on.

I helped my dad go through his grieving process and started on the path for me to do what I really want to do.

I met the love of my life, married her and have an awesome and gorgeous baby girl with a second baby on the way.

It took some time but I found the silver lining. My dad and I have a REALLY close relationship now. Before this I was good with him but not where I should be as a father/son relationship… but now we are. And losing my job helped me go back to school and start on the path to do a job I really want to do.

Just goes to show there is a lesson to be learned in everything and that everything happens for a reason… even if we do not see it at the time. Do you agree?

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It’s been a while since I wrote last… and I missed it. I missed expressing what’s on my mind, so I am back.

Life has been busy but this weekends Writing prompts were a bit of a challenge. I chose my favorite ornament, but I don’t have just one so here are my favorite ones:

This was the ornament I gave my wife the Christmas after our wedding. It means a lot to me because I waited to find the right person to marry and I found the perfect one!

This was our ornament from last year. It was only a few weeks after we found out she was pregnant and we were having our first baby. It definitely means a lot because now she is 5 ½ months old and makes every day so amazing!

This was an ornament I bought my wife before we were married. She was not big on Christmas and I, of course, and VERY big on Christmas so I setup a Christmas tree in her apartment and gave her this ornament for Christmas. It was from a local Irish store and she loved it! She has been very pro-christmas as well as pro-Irish since this and more so since we have been married. I am sure with our little one, her love for Christmas will only grow and that is awesome!!

What is YOUR favorite ornament!

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So today is the first day back to work for my wife after maternity leave… and we she is not happy about it. I mean who can blame her? She hung out with the cutest kid ever and received all the hugs, smiles and kisses a 3 month old could muster.

I mean sure, there was the daily refuse to nap time because she didn’t want to miss anything. She also dealt with the daily melt-down time between 5p-8p because she was overtired. There are also all those sesame street cartoons she played trying to soothe her when she had a melt-down and now all those songs are stuck in her head! I mean, Yo gabba gabba? Really? Was someone high when they decided on that name?

But she is REALLY not happy about going back to work. I have to admit, I agree with her 1000%. I am the one who has to drop her off at the babysitters house (whom we interviewed with and checked references on extensively before choosing her) and I REALLY want to call in sick to work, use some of my 140 hours of sick time and keep her home. But I can’t. Because then tomorrow will come and I will feel the same way. I know it will be easier on Tuesday when I drop her off, but I keep telling myself. It’s only 3 hours a day, 4 times a week! I get her the one day during the week I am off and she has us both on weekends all day for my wife and every other weekend for me.

Knowing my wife was going to be really upset in the morning, I had to do something. I looked up all I could and realized that there are absolutely ZERO greeting cards for an upset mother returning back from maternity leave! So I decided to make one myself.

I put one of our favorite pictures of our daughter on the cover of a generic greeting card and changed it to read:

“One of my favorite things for us to do….”

And I put another picture of myself and MJ inside and it reads:

“is to sit and relax and think about you!”

Then I wrote a message to my wife from my daughter:

To Mommy,

We just want you to know that you are the Best Mommy EVER!! I love that you are the first face I see in the morning (since Daddy is a sleepy head… but I love giving him morning smiles too!) and it makes me sooo happy to see you and lay next to you. You do SO much for us and I love my singing time (especially “I’m a little tea pot” because you look so happy when you sing it to me) and our walk time and our reading time.

I am growing and you and Daddy will be there for all the important stuff like crawling and walking (I can’t want to walk because I think I can catch that cat and give her a bath!) and giggling. You will help me grow up to be the kind of person I want to be… and that is to be just like you! J Just maybe with a few less quirks. I mean I don’t want to check the cat dishes EVERY time I walk past them!

Anyway, I want to thank you for doing all you are so we can everything we need!

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

MJ (Oh and Daddy)

P.S.-Don’t feel bad. Daddy is going to cry like a little girl when he drops me off. He already told me he wants to call in sick to work but I told him I will be fine!

I can only imagine the difficulty it is for women to return back to work after carry a baby for 9+ months and then bonding with it over the next 3 months or so. I mean I have a slight idea because I was happy when we found out we were having a baby but I never knew I would feel this happy to have her in our lives!

The sad part is life on Long Island is CRAZY expensive and two incomes are really needed in order to pay all the bills comfortably. She knows it’s only a matter of time before I find a job so we can move off Long Island and she can stay home.

In the meantime we are taking things one day at a time and doing everything we need to do to provide the best we can for our little growing family!

 

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This week is 2 years that my wife and I have been married. For a guy who will be 41 the day before our Anniversary, that seems very little.

Most people who are 40 have been married at least 10 years or more and have 2 or 3 kids. But me, I am 40, only 2 years married with only 1 daughter who is only 3 months old.

I decided to wait until I found the right woman because I didn’t want to end up like my friends and family. Divorced! When I was married I knew I wanted it to be forever. I know EVERYONE wants it to be forever, but so many people get married young which turns into being a divorcee young.

My feeling about it is that when you meet someone and get married, you are supposed to learn and grow… together. That is the key, in my opinion.

When you are married too young, you learn and you grow but sometimes one person’s interest go in one direction while the other person’s go in the opposite. That is even ok, depending on the differences.

For me, I thought immediately when I met her, that she was a keeper. She was actually the complete opposite of anyone I had ever gone out with before. To me that was perfect because I wouldn’t have been single if they were the one.

My usual was outgoing, loud, thrill-seekers, who were just slightly shy of high maintence – meaning they loved getting dressed up in high heels and dresses but were just as comfy and their norm every day was jeans and a t shirt.

My wife is friendly, but not quite outgoing. She is actually very quiet. I sometimes have to ask her to repeat herself when I am only a few inches from her. She is also the furthest from anything resembling high maintenance that could be found. And all this is what makes her great.

Everyone has their own flaws and baggage. Hers is no different than anyone elses, but these past 4 + years of getting to know her with the last 2 as my wife, I am so lucky and proud and honored to see her grow into the person she is now.

She is still quiet and friendly (not outgoing) but she is such a GREAT mother. You can tell our daughter looks at her and see the world in her… just as I do. She has changed in so many ways. There are times I think she hates me, but most of the time I know she loves me.

She knows I love her, because I make sure to tell her so at least once a day.

I know I don’t do as much for her as I could but that just makes it mean so much MORE when I do I keep telling her to leave me a list of things to do to make her life easier!

But I do hope that she knows how much better my life is with her in it. How much I love all of our ups and downs we take, because we take them together. She is not into roller coasters, but I love them and life on a roller coaster is exciting and new. Life on a Merry go Round is predictable and boring.

We are opposites in the small, minor ways but we are the same in all the ways that matter most!

I love you sweetie! Happy Anniversary!


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I remember before our daughter was born, my wife would become upset and, well, complain that she would not be a good mother… she was Very far off. She is an amazing mother. She is an even better wife, as soon as she realizes that it’s normal for spouses to have fights from time to time and things do not have to be (and probably will never be) perfect.

We decided to go away and visit her family up in Maine. Her family is great, in their way, and we love them, but my wife has changed so much from when she was younger.

She is now seeing all the things she had to deal with as a child and is not going to allow our daughter to have to deal with those same things. And I am glad because the things her parents hold near and dear to them and how they think kids should act are FAR different from how I was brought up.

Growing up, my parents did have the signature late-60’s 70’s era plastic on the couches, but we were allowed to play on the couches. I remember they had these round pillows that were as long as the arm rest and my brother and I would use them as punching bags and make tons of noise. As long as no one was crying and mom could sleep or talk on the phone, then it was all fine.

My wife was not allowed in her living room unless she was practicing on the piano.

Both of us agree that we will not have any rooms off limits to our kids.

Before we set everything up, they told us that if we wanted to go catch a movie one night they would be happy to watch our daughter for a couple of hours, but they changed their minds the moment we arrived, which is fine, we just take our daughter with us on our adventures such as going to Moose cave and Screw Auger Falls (who names a water fall Screw Auger?)

But then we did get a little grief because our cell phones batteries die fast up here in Maine for some reason. (Most likely because there is no service so they are ALWAYS looking for a connection) Back home my cell battery lasts about 5-7 days before I need to charge it, up here, it was fully charged when I went to bed and was beeping early this morning because the battery was dying.

So at 31 years old she is still worried and stressed that she needs to call her parents if we are running late.

I know growing up, if I was late for dinner my mother would throw a fit. I did not see the big deal. If I was late, it was up to me to make myself something to eat or just reheat dinner, but to my mom it was an atrocity. I knew back then that I would not be that way with my kids. If they are late, then they have to figure out dinner.

We learn from our parents, but as adults we have the ability to pick and choose what we want and don’t want to instill in our children. The old saying is not completely true – we don’t all grow up to be our parents.

This trip has shown my wife many things for her and to me that she has changed so much from when we first met.

We are also learning that making our own rules for OUR family is good, and as it should be.

Will we still come up and visit my in-laws? Absolutely! We just won’t stay with them at their house. We will find a place elsewhere to stay so the kids can be as loud and obnoxious as their father as they want to be! This way we can go out at 9pm or 10pm to do something like get ice cream and not worry about upsetting anyone or waking anyone up when we come back in.

Hopefully by next trip they will want to hold our daughter more and be more “hands on” with her. If not, that’s ok. We won’t mind but I know from how things were with my grandmother that they will be missing out on a LOT of things.

But for now, I am the luckiest guy in the world because I am married to the most awesome woman in the world and next week will be our 2nd anniversary together. It’s only been 2 years so far but I look forward to all the years to come!

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I know its cliché but – as a man, husband and father (soon) – our job is to protect. We are supposed to keep our family and loved ones safe and protect them from harm. We are supposed to fend off the intruder, make the area safe and sound and beat up the monsters in the closet or under the bed.

But what do we do if the monster is impossible to fight? That’s where I am at right now.

Right now I am home, worrying about my wife. Because my poor wife who had some obstacles during this pregnancy and did not complain much, if at all. Because her blood pressure was higher than it should have been and continued to rise, our doctor advised for her to go into the hospital and be induced. So that’s what we did today.

At 6pm we ate dinner and then went into the hospital by 6:30pm.

By 8pm they started to induce her and the doctor and my wife both advised that nothing would be happening tonight and that I should go home. I stayed. I stayed even though I was falling asleep because sitting in a chair while my wife is trying to relax is as much fun as watching water boil.

I stayed until about 10:30 or 11. When I left she seemed fairly comfortable. She had some minor cramping, but nothing too much and she told me to go home and sleep. I told her I will but I will come back in the morning. I didn’t want to go, but I also had a feeling that she would start becoming uncomfortable and there would be nothing I could do to help. Talking with her wasn’t helping. Usually when I hold her hand or massage her head and face, helps… but it didn’t help. She called me 3 times in about 2 hours and each phone call she sounded more and more in pain.

I knew, from my hospital rotations during my OB/GYN clinical, that the pain was going to come. I told her I would come back and she told me not to. But here it is. 3:30am and I am trying to get some rest so I can get up and be at the hospital nice and early and all I can think of is that I should not have left.

Should I have NOT listened to the doctor and nurses and my wife and stayed? I have trouble seeing my loved ones in pain, more so with my wife. I was hoping this pregnancy wouldn’t be troublesome, and it wasn’t. Until she became pre-eclampsic and needed to be induced.

So now I am going to try and get some sleep. I am going to do my best so I can be there for her tomorrow and hopefully I can make her feel better and we can get through this and we will welcome our new edition to our family by tonight and she can start to recover.

Maybe, for once, she will take it easy and relax and let me take care of her for a while… but I wouldn’t hold my breath!

I love you, honey! More and more every day!!!

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Today was nothing special. On Thursday I had a filling fall out, so I called my dentist to make an appointment and the earliest they had was Monday. I didn’t have my work schedule yet, but since I was scheduled to work all weekend, that usually puts me with Monday off. I set up the appointment and then Monday arrived.

We started the day with a cable appointment, then talking to the landlord, taking my shower and then falling back to sleep for a couple of hours. My wife had a doctors appointment and I had the dentist appointment, both at approximately the same time.

I was coming home from my appointment when my phone rang. It was the house so I just waited until I arrived home to find out whats wrong. The first thing my wife said was that I was working today. WHAT!?!?! I am off. She looked at my schedule and said “No. You’re off on Tuesday.” Oh CRAP!! I rushed to change into my scrubs and she told me about her appointment.

She went to her doctor and her blood pressure is higher again so they are going to induce her… TOMORROW!

What?

I had to rush out, but since I am only a mile from work I come home for dinner and told her I would be home.

Her blood pressure has been slowly increasing over the last few weeks and now it high that he wants to induce. She is at 39 weeks so she is full term and everything else is great. She hasn’t had any contractions so we weren’t too worried… until today.

I am excited and nervous at the same time. Our baby that we have been waiting for is coming… by Wednesday or Thursday! We have to go to the hospital around 6pm today and then they are going to do their thing and then the baby will be here!

Both of us are nervous and it’s just, so…. Real. I expected to feel super great, and I do, but I also feel like I have no idea how to feel.

I have nieces and nephews and get along with them all VERY well. But this is OUR baby now. My wife has been reading all these books over the last 9 months but where is the Daddy manual? Is this normal! I really can’t wait to meet the little guy (or girl) but all the things I have been telling my wife NOT to worry about… yeah, I am worry about now.

Well, in about 48 hours the baby will be here… wish us luck!

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