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Archive for the ‘Wife’ Category

This week I chose option 2 – when you couldn’t think things could go wrong… they did. The reason for this is because, well, I am pretty tired of hearing about Whitney Houston, I could only come up woth 1 thing that I NEVER want to do, and the last two I think I will save for posts for later this week… maybe.

Usually when I post, I use the first thing which jumps into my mind about the topic and the first thing that jumps into my mind was October 29th, 2004. I remember this day because its when EVERYTHING fell apart all at once, but lets start at the beginning of the day.

I started out the day as normal. I went to work, and just kept busy. At the time my mother was sick so I was immersing myself in work. I had talked to my boss earlier about taking some vacation time and he told me he just needed to check what was going on that week because he had this tendency of putting his vacation in like 8 months ahead of time. So around lunchtime he called me into his office and he and our other boss were there and apparently they were doing cutbacks and eliminated my position. So I was laid off. The good thing is they told me I didn’t have to work through the end of the day… oh whoopee! I had bills to pay!

So after being mopey and heading home, that is when I broke down. I was sort of having a mental break down because I was not unemployed, had a HUGE amount of debt to pay which I worried about how I was going to pay off every day and I felt guilty because my mother was going through chemo at home and I wasn’t there to help.

I remember pacing back and forth in my apartment and my phone rang. It was my sister. Now my sister and I have a great relationship and I started to tell her what was going on with me and then she broke down. Apparently my mother was in the hospital again and the nurses told her and my father to call me and get me down to Long Island. I remember hearing my sister break down and cry and through her tears all she could say is that she wanted her mother back. It broke my heart that I could not console my sister and I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself after being laid off. So I told her I would be home in a couple of hours.

I immediately called my cousin whom I have been super close with since we were little and told him what happened. He was supposed to meet me on Long Island the next afternoon just as I had done when his father passed away and I was there for him. Well I arrived on Long Island a few hours later and went to the hospital the next day and for the rest of the week after that.

My cousin never showed until close to the last second and then he left the next morning. I have never heard from him since.

My mother died 5 days later.

It was definitely the most difficult time in my life but we all dealt with it and have been able to move on.

I helped my dad go through his grieving process and started on the path for me to do what I really want to do.

I met the love of my life, married her and have an awesome and gorgeous baby girl with a second baby on the way.

It took some time but I found the silver lining. My dad and I have a REALLY close relationship now. Before this I was good with him but not where I should be as a father/son relationship… but now we are. And losing my job helped me go back to school and start on the path to do a job I really want to do.

Just goes to show there is a lesson to be learned in everything and that everything happens for a reason… even if we do not see it at the time. Do you agree?

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I have friends who became parents at a young age as well as friends who are older than I am and still do not have kids. You can see the difference between the two… but only if you are a parent. If you are not a parent, you probably won’t see it.

My wife and I married when I was 1 day into being 39 years old. For me I felt I was older to get married as my best friend was 22 when he was married. I moved off Long Island when I was 29 and the people I dated were usually close to my age. I stayed off Long Island until I was 35 and the last 2 years, from 33-35, the women I dated usually had kids. I thought because I was dating someone who had kids and I was around them 2 maybe 3 times a week, that I could consider myself a father-type figure and I knew a few things about kids and being a “parent”

I was SOOO wrong!

I had no idea what I was doing and looking back now, I know I was just a kid myself in the parenting aspect.

I always felt to truly be a parent you really needed to start from their birth and go through ALL of it. This is not always true… but it was true for me.

Quite a bit has changed for me since we had out little boopah. It’s these changes which make me feel like a parent as before, I didn’t feel like one. I felt that I was in a relationship where I was expected to be a “father” figure but without any of the real responsibilities. It was more reading when the single mother I was dating wanted me to be a father figure and all other times I needed to keep quiet.

There are a few ways that are different:

As a non-parent, the kid(s) referred to me by my name which made the distinction very well known.

As a parent, I refer to myself as Dad or Daddy, since she is not old enough to talk yet. I always thought it was weird how people men would refer to themselves that way when talking to their kids. But once you become a parent… you get it. (I sometimes even refer to myself as daddy even when I am not around my daughter and then correct myself.)

As a non-parent, if I was having an off day I could very easily go home and not deal with the girlfriend and her son/daughter.

As a parent, there aren’t any days off. You are there 24/7. If you are off from work one weekend and decide to sleep in? Great! As long as “sleep in” means 6am because that’s when boopah wakes up and decides she wants you to come play. Or if your wife feeds the baby in bed, usually around 5-6ish, and the baby decides she wants to see what happens if she squishes a sleeping Daddy’s nose. Usually you wake up and GREAT, she has someone to play with because that’s when you are tagged in so she can sleep. And you want to be annoyed but babies are built in with their own trouble radar, so the second you start becoming upset… they smile that awesome, toothless smile and you just… melt!

As a non-parent, there are things you think you will do differently when you have kids. This is usually not what is going to happen.

As a parent, you learn to savor in the small victories. For me, being able to use the bathroom at my pace is a HUGE victory as boopah usually decides that when I need to use the bathroom is not convenient for her. Or that she needs to finish the rest of her bottle RIGHT NOW! Being able to take a shower and not leave the door open and one ear listening for my baby is a HUGE luxury to us!

 

There are so many ways being a parent differs from being in a father-type role. I was thinking about this lately because Erica and I were discussing things we would and would not do regarding our boopah as she grew up which we had to from our parents. This made me think of some of the things I said or did when I was dating people with kids and I wish I had done things better. There were things I know I definitely handled perfectly with the right amount of discipline as well as not overdoing the lecture or what not. But then there were things that should not have bothered me, but did and I wish I handled it better.

In all this, however, it made me the person I am today and I think I did ok. I think I am an ok father and husband and that I accept that I am learning this all as we go. But having the best wife and mother for our baby makes it so much easier for both of us… as long as she LETS me help.

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So today is the first day back to work for my wife after maternity leave… and we she is not happy about it. I mean who can blame her? She hung out with the cutest kid ever and received all the hugs, smiles and kisses a 3 month old could muster.

I mean sure, there was the daily refuse to nap time because she didn’t want to miss anything. She also dealt with the daily melt-down time between 5p-8p because she was overtired. There are also all those sesame street cartoons she played trying to soothe her when she had a melt-down and now all those songs are stuck in her head! I mean, Yo gabba gabba? Really? Was someone high when they decided on that name?

But she is REALLY not happy about going back to work. I have to admit, I agree with her 1000%. I am the one who has to drop her off at the babysitters house (whom we interviewed with and checked references on extensively before choosing her) and I REALLY want to call in sick to work, use some of my 140 hours of sick time and keep her home. But I can’t. Because then tomorrow will come and I will feel the same way. I know it will be easier on Tuesday when I drop her off, but I keep telling myself. It’s only 3 hours a day, 4 times a week! I get her the one day during the week I am off and she has us both on weekends all day for my wife and every other weekend for me.

Knowing my wife was going to be really upset in the morning, I had to do something. I looked up all I could and realized that there are absolutely ZERO greeting cards for an upset mother returning back from maternity leave! So I decided to make one myself.

I put one of our favorite pictures of our daughter on the cover of a generic greeting card and changed it to read:

“One of my favorite things for us to do….”

And I put another picture of myself and MJ inside and it reads:

“is to sit and relax and think about you!”

Then I wrote a message to my wife from my daughter:

To Mommy,

We just want you to know that you are the Best Mommy EVER!! I love that you are the first face I see in the morning (since Daddy is a sleepy head… but I love giving him morning smiles too!) and it makes me sooo happy to see you and lay next to you. You do SO much for us and I love my singing time (especially “I’m a little tea pot” because you look so happy when you sing it to me) and our walk time and our reading time.

I am growing and you and Daddy will be there for all the important stuff like crawling and walking (I can’t want to walk because I think I can catch that cat and give her a bath!) and giggling. You will help me grow up to be the kind of person I want to be… and that is to be just like you! J Just maybe with a few less quirks. I mean I don’t want to check the cat dishes EVERY time I walk past them!

Anyway, I want to thank you for doing all you are so we can everything we need!

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

MJ (Oh and Daddy)

P.S.-Don’t feel bad. Daddy is going to cry like a little girl when he drops me off. He already told me he wants to call in sick to work but I told him I will be fine!

I can only imagine the difficulty it is for women to return back to work after carry a baby for 9+ months and then bonding with it over the next 3 months or so. I mean I have a slight idea because I was happy when we found out we were having a baby but I never knew I would feel this happy to have her in our lives!

The sad part is life on Long Island is CRAZY expensive and two incomes are really needed in order to pay all the bills comfortably. She knows it’s only a matter of time before I find a job so we can move off Long Island and she can stay home.

In the meantime we are taking things one day at a time and doing everything we need to do to provide the best we can for our little growing family!

 

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I know its cliché but – as a man, husband and father (soon) – our job is to protect. We are supposed to keep our family and loved ones safe and protect them from harm. We are supposed to fend off the intruder, make the area safe and sound and beat up the monsters in the closet or under the bed.

But what do we do if the monster is impossible to fight? That’s where I am at right now.

Right now I am home, worrying about my wife. Because my poor wife who had some obstacles during this pregnancy and did not complain much, if at all. Because her blood pressure was higher than it should have been and continued to rise, our doctor advised for her to go into the hospital and be induced. So that’s what we did today.

At 6pm we ate dinner and then went into the hospital by 6:30pm.

By 8pm they started to induce her and the doctor and my wife both advised that nothing would be happening tonight and that I should go home. I stayed. I stayed even though I was falling asleep because sitting in a chair while my wife is trying to relax is as much fun as watching water boil.

I stayed until about 10:30 or 11. When I left she seemed fairly comfortable. She had some minor cramping, but nothing too much and she told me to go home and sleep. I told her I will but I will come back in the morning. I didn’t want to go, but I also had a feeling that she would start becoming uncomfortable and there would be nothing I could do to help. Talking with her wasn’t helping. Usually when I hold her hand or massage her head and face, helps… but it didn’t help. She called me 3 times in about 2 hours and each phone call she sounded more and more in pain.

I knew, from my hospital rotations during my OB/GYN clinical, that the pain was going to come. I told her I would come back and she told me not to. But here it is. 3:30am and I am trying to get some rest so I can get up and be at the hospital nice and early and all I can think of is that I should not have left.

Should I have NOT listened to the doctor and nurses and my wife and stayed? I have trouble seeing my loved ones in pain, more so with my wife. I was hoping this pregnancy wouldn’t be troublesome, and it wasn’t. Until she became pre-eclampsic and needed to be induced.

So now I am going to try and get some sleep. I am going to do my best so I can be there for her tomorrow and hopefully I can make her feel better and we can get through this and we will welcome our new edition to our family by tonight and she can start to recover.

Maybe, for once, she will take it easy and relax and let me take care of her for a while… but I wouldn’t hold my breath!

I love you, honey! More and more every day!!!

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